Cosette

 

Cosette has been driving me nuts recently.

She's at a special adult-baby time of life. She's big enough to use the potty, put on her shoes, and not use a bib. She's small enough to end up in our bed some nights, to need hugs when she gets in trouble, to need help picking up her toys, to cry when she looks at her band-aid on her knee.

But mainly she's just sassy. Getting the last word in. Contradicting. Ignoring. Doing the deliberate opposite. Oh yes, hello almost-3-year-old.

 

There are times I want to cry. or yell. or give her the kindle and tell her to knock herself out with Netflix while I hide in my room.

"Leave him be," "Don't pick him up please," "Let's not climb on the counter," "What's in your mouth?" It goes on and on. What's the point?

There are times I look at her face looking at mine just waiting for my response, and I wonder what happened to me. Where'd I go? Am I just her mommy? Is that all I am? I spend my days correcting her behavior, cleaning up her messes, teaching her how to love her brother, her family, God. Putting up with whining, crying, yelling, accidents. Desperately wanting "me time." I'm admitting there are times I miss me. I'm lost in the mommy role and can't find myself. I almost despair from losing myself.

 

Yesterday I went in her room to hang up her laundry. She wasn't in her room, and it felt empty. There were signs of life, Noah's ark animals I've stepped on the last three days and clothes and blankets from her bed she didn't sleep in last night strewn everywhere. But without her in there it felt empty. I hung up her pink hoodie, something she had just given life and shape to when we were playing outside. I stood there in her messy, empty room and desperately loved her. Everything about her. Coudn't bear for a moment even the imagination of life without her.

 

I have been deeply moved by the loss of Thomas in December. Our friends put their precious 4th child to bed one night and had to say goodbye to him the next morning. Unexpected, undeserved, unknown. They are so brave, facing life without part of them. Without even knowing him so well, I miss him so desperately for them. Well, Thomas, you have helped me love my babies more, little guy.

 Here's the link to Thomas' dad's blog.

 

There are a lot of times today when I look at Cosette's little face and realize she is mine and I want her so desperately, want her around, want her in my life, want to be her mother for all of life. Just want her. She is a wanted, loved child. She's made my heart 3 times too large. I am me, and that is, I am her mommy. I'm just more. What more could I give her, than to desperately desire her in my life?

Wednesday Lights, iii



 

 

So I know it's Thursday, but Wednesdays totally wear me out and today I got to benefit from this happy little lady.

Being 35 weeks pregnant and doing the monthly grocery shopping along with a toddler is pretty, um, trying tiring. But I can't get over how sweet Cose was today. She was fabulous at the grocery store and at Target. We shared a *decaf* mocha (me, obvs, more than her, right) and just sat and chatted before we checked out at Target. It was lovely!

I got so upset when I realized my phone had died and we couldn't stop by and visit some ladies from church on our way home because I didn't know directions. She said, "Oh it's okay mommy, tomorrow." Right!

We paid our rent. Depressing.

We got home and took over an hour to put everything away, empty out the fridge of questionable items, change laundry, empty the dishwasher, load the dishwasher, chop up stuff for the crockpot, and make lunch. Exhausting.

But man having Cosette as my work buddy today was just so uplifting. She told me about how we are going to visit the ladies tomorrow, how our family is coming to visit this weekend, and how she loves mommy.

Thank you Jesus for my sweet baby!

So silly!

 

Some New Stuff We've Tried

 

We finally jumped on the cloth diapering bandwagon. Must say it's been fine, but a little *shocking* after using disposables for almost 2 1/2 years. Starting the whole fiasco on a toddler who may or may not be interested in potty training is probably not the easiest way to begin, but I'm so glad we did. Anyone else get that obnoxious lump in their gut when they toss disposable after disposable in the garbage? Ah, I finally don't have it!

 

After 2 months since the switch, thoughts...

 

We bought these in a few patterns:

They're Bumkins one size covers. So cute. Also, so slippery. They are made of a slicker material that works like a shoehorn for pants. Easy on, easy off with the pants. Not so great for trying to keep little bottoms covered. And obvs, when the pants come down, the diaper slips down too. Ah! I like these okay, but you have to be diligent about keeping the pants up. We do tend to have more leaks with these too than our others.

 

Also got a bunch of these:

 

These are Flip one size covers. LOVE these. No slippage with these. No probs really at all. They are pretty darn thick too so soggy prefolds don't leak through as quickly. Yep, love these.

 

Cloth are so worth it. You aren't tossing literally a TON of diapers into a landfill per child, they're better on their little bottoms, and they're cheaper!! But you have to decide that...

 

a) having your risk for touching pee and poop go up dramatically is OKAY

b) being slightly inconvenienced by "stuffing" each diaper before putting it on (cover+prefold+liner if wanted) is OKAY and unstuffing after is OKAY

c) changing more often is OKAY. You aren't tossing money every time you change if you use cloth, so it's just an adjustment from the hours you can stretch a disposable (prob not the best for a bottom anyways, but definitely convenient). Definitely will be changing more like every 1-3 hours.

d) doing an extra load of laundry 2-3x per week is OKAY, plus a little extra attention in the wash 1-2x a month to "strip" the excess soap and, um, "smell," is OKAY

 

Okay by me, so cloth diapers will be here to stay I imagine. I am still befuddled by what to do with dirty wipes while I'm changing, since they don't go in the wetbag and can't be flushed. Not on the cloth wipe bandwagon yet, but I suppose I can be persuaded. And the ammonia smell was definitely bothering me up till yesterday, until I just ran them all through about 4 rinses and got the excess soap that attracts the ammonia out. Overnight, still just using a disposable to avoid wet PJs and sheets every morning...And I am hoping to try some Bumgenius dipes since they rule the market, and we also have some pocket diapers (the absorbant insert goes actually inside the cover instead of just lay on the top of it) we'll try with Little Guy. Okay, so that's all on diapers...On to laundry soap...

 

 

These are the ingredients you need to make your own laundry soap. Box of Borax, box of Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda, bars of soap (Fels-Naptha). You literally measure out the first two ingredients to the right amounts, grate up the soap (looks like cheese :)) & run through a food processor to turn to powder, and then mix all 3 items together. Boom, laundry detergent. This isn't my picture, and I guess it's showing how you can then boil the powder with water to get the even more economical liquid form, something I never tried. Anyways, this recipe is brilliantly cheap & easy. Only draw back is that the ingredients aren't at every Walmart and Target and You Name It store. Since we've moved I haven't been able to find them yet. This rocks, but you have to be okay with:

a) actually sitting down to grate and grind the soap bars. Just do a ton at once, and in an hour you'll have enough for 2 months.

b) not having a perfumey scent waft up at you as you fold laundry. there's like, no scent to the clothes at all.

c) saving a RIDICULOUS amount of money!

 

Okay, that's all for laundry soap, now on to the Cosette portion of the broadcast...

 

Cose got her FIRST EVER HAIRCUT this weekend!!

Before. Super fine, straight hair (where'd that come from???? my mother!) that was finally growing, but just in the back! Notice that Ashley gave her her own comb to use during the cut...so cute!



Daddy & Mommy got a little weepy here. What? It's a parent's perogative.

Almost done! Longer in front, short stack in the back. She was GREAT!

Here it is today!

And yes, that is baby Jesus in her hand. He's been requested often and today I just couldn't say no.

Love my little girl so much! Even when she disobeys me, gets the stool out in the kitchen, steals the Corn Flakes, and shuts herself in her room with them, and then can't figure out how to get back out, as is currently happening...

One more pic from last week, when we went to visit our best buds!

Cose and Vantus :)



Wednesday Lights, ii

 

Okay, so this hasn't been the best stretch of parenting I've ever done. For a week, Cosette has taken a pass on her afternoon nap. And about once a week she wakes up early early early in the morning and ends up in our bed. Flopping around and chatting with us. At 4:00 am. The other day I ended up in her (toddler) bed. Not pretty, although quite a feat.

 

And all this accumulates and I feel overwhelmed. There's a feeling embedded in all parents, I think, that begs for me time that has been eternally forfeited when our first precious baby is born. Even during times when I'm at work, or out with friends without Cosette, my mind is divided and my body is reacting to whatever her schedule has construed. There's no more me time ever. I'm not me any more; I'm someone more.

 

I love this; this is a privilege. It is an ultimate act. Give yourself for someone else! Parents who don't understand this miss out. Parents who do understand this, though, often feel like we're drowning. I'm trying to embrace the awesomeness of being a parent.

 

Anyways, here are some more lights of the week so far...

 

Playing puzzles with John at church while Dione & I (okay, Dione) reupholstered the lobby chairs.

 

 

This looks just like the wind chime I have hanging outside my front door.

Lots of folks sent chimes instead of flowers to my Grandpa's funeral.

Their chiming always cheers me up. And they're going nuts right now!

 

Something only a Daddy would do... :)

 

 

 

On Tuesday, Keith & Cosette & I ventured downtown to Crown Center and had a blast at the Crayola Factory Store and at Fritz's, the coolest-ever restaraunt that delivers your food on mini trains!

This is a mega pumped face. Coloring @ the Crayola store.

Coloring @ an easil now

Watching trains deliver the food at Fritz's! Silly.

Sitting with Daddy.
I LOVE family time where the 3 of us are out (or in) focusing on each other!

 We ended the outing with a stop at a candy store, and I truly understand the "kid in a candy store" adage. Holy moley. But we successfully made it out with lemon drops, gummy worms & letters, and something else??

 

 

Baby PK feels so huge these days and moves like a slow tumbling giant. I LOVE it. 42 days till the due date!

 

 

 

Wednesday Lights

 

It's really hard to be the person I want to be when I wake up tired and Cosette wakes up spunky indepedent. There's only so many "I want that" and "I need that" and "No say me no, Mommy" and "I no want Mommy" and just plain "No!" that I can take before I turn into a goblin.

I was so disappointed in myself when we were driving home from a grocery trip this morning. I hadn't enjoyed my morning with Cosette at all, had barely stumbled through it in fact. Hadn't meditated on the beautiful Psalm I read this morning or the chapter on Prayer that I read, written by a beautiful friend Libby Tedder. Hadn't accepted any peace offered me as a child of God. I had just succumbed to the exhaustion and to the fears that understand exactly when to surface and chip away at me, slowly slowly slowly.

So I started thinking about things I like, things that lift my spirit, things in my life either good or Good, that I don't want to look past.

When you run an orange peel in the garbage disposal, you get sprayed with a cloud of citrus!

 

 

My new boots. The best boots in the world. Bought with money given me by my Aunt and Grandma. I wear them every day, with everything, all the time, match or not.

 Look who's going to be in here in a few weeks!

This chalkboard makes me so happy too.

The red paper clipped on is Cosette's permission form to join a tumbling class in Feb & Mar.

She's so not a baby anymore...

 

 

 

Speaking of, I cleaned up the high chair and put it away today because Little Miss is so consistently eating at the table now without dropping her food everywhere.

Horray, extra space in our tiny kitchen!

 

 

 

One of my precious students gave me this pendant for Christmas and I haven't stopped wearing it.

Even has an end-pin!

 

 

 Freshly Fluffed Max Dog.

Bathed, brushed, and his bandana is even clean!

Must enjoy quickly, as odiforous natural scent will return in a few days.

 

 

 Friends who send you Christmas presents because they love you.

Laurryn & Matt, we love you guys.

 

 

 

Already my soul feels so much happier! Thank you Lord! Light and Loved.



Cosette Has a Name!

I'm thinking this blog is going to become a Davenport Family Update Transit of Information blog. Hopefully I can put some interesting info up regularly, especially once baby Cosette comes and I'm back on my feet (or not on my feet and a little restless).

Firstly, we have named our baby girl Cosette Marie. And yes, I meant to type it out! We had been keeping our name choice a secret for about 5 months for two reasons: We could change it if we wanted, and it was fun to be sneaky. Well, reason number one become very valuable to me when about a month ago I fessed up to Keith that I really didn't love the name we had chosen and had been calling the Kicking Kid for months. I just didn't.

For a while I loved the name Evelyn, the old-style way. Then I recalled the hauntingly beautiful store Eveline from James Joyce's Dubliners, and I vividly remembered my senior-year English teacher telling us to say her name Eve-Line or Eve-Lyn, because she's Irish, Joyce is Irish, and that's how the Irish like it. Eve-Lyn sounded awesome to me, beautiful and unique. So we made it Evelyn, pronounced Eve-Lyn. Somewhere along the way, though, I started hearing Keith say "Evil" every time he called our baby by name. And I was bothered. Eventually I couldn't handle it anymore and broke his heart by casting "Evelyn" out the window. But, I mean, come on...Evil just shouldn't be tolerated.

Cosette was on my top 5 list for quite a while. Keith, however, wasn't in love. It took some living with and convincing on my part, and finally one morning, Keith said, "So let's name her Cosette." And I was happy.

Where the name came from, though, I'm not sure. I think I was inadvertently influenced by my reading selections of Les Mis over the years of Englishness and literature-learning, although I couldn't have told you Cosette is the daughter of Jean Valjean...that is, before I was reminded of it.

Marie is my middle name...that's where that came from.

So anyways, other Davenport happenings:

Olivet graduates this weekend: David, Kent, and Andrea are undergrads, and Tim with an MBA. Busy, busy! Graduating from college ourselves seems like ages ago to Keith and me. College itself also seems like another world, in which we only possibly actually lived or perhaps only made up. We do miss our college friends so much though. And some professors. And some classes :)

No more work for me after next week. I'm cashing in my lattes at Caribou Coffee after 1 year and 7 months to wait impatiently for Cosette to come see me and then take care of her. Now this means many things to us Davenports, but mainly it means that we will be relying on the Providence of God now more than ever, and we will be hopefully looking for an additional job for Keith that he can work joyously and not reluctantly. It means rearranging things financially. And it means that I'm finished with yet another "Just a Job" job and can look forward to a new job in the future that really invigorates me, or to more at-home motherhood, whichever befalls me.

Max & Sadie, our adoring 2-year-old furry fluffies, say hi to the world through the blog as well. They want you to know that they are doing well. Sadie Catahoula is excited for the baby to come so she can have yet another Davenport to snuggle and mother. She also wants everyone to know that she has settled down (*some*) but will still jump on you and love you if/when you come to visit us because she just downright adores you already. Max Dog, on the other hand, wants you to know he feels apathetic about the whole baby thing. However, if you come to visit, he promises to sit with you in the green chair and do nothing all day.

That's about all for now. 5 more weeks till the due date!